7 Habits, Leadership, Learning Lessons, Self-Awareness

A Proactive Challenge

This post is stemming from an email I sent to a mentor of mine. Coincidentally, he is also reading the book at the same time (this was not planned).

Email to my mentor:

I am reading 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Have you read this or heard of it? So far, I really like it, but at the end of each habit, there are a few tips to applying what you learned.

The first habit focuses on a being “proactive.” The premise is you control your response to various stimulus, and rather than blaming others or giving excuses (ie being “reactive”) you can choose to respond with a more “proactive” approach. The book defines proactive “…as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.”

The first chapter really dives into this definition and premise of choosing our responses. The book suggests becoming more self-aware of how “reactive” you and others around you are, so you can begin building a “proactive” habit. The author suggests doing a day long challenge, which I plan to do tomorrow (I actually did this on  3/15):

Full day challenge

Listen to your language and listen to the language of others around you. How often do you use or hear “reactive” phrases?

  • “If only…”
  • “I can’t…”
  • “I have to…”
  • “There’s nothing I can do…”
  • “That’s just the way I am…”
  • “He, she, it, they make me so mad…”
  • “They won’t allow that…”
  • “I must…”

My findings

The single biggest thing I noticed was how often my team members and I said, ‘I have to go to this meeting.’ I tried to move toward a more “proactive” response, especially during my team’s stand ups, to say ‘I am choosing to go to these meetings.’

It felt very uncomfortable to say I am choosing to go to 1 on 1s with my team members or choosing to go to a Scrum Ceremony because there may be consequence to not going to these meetings. (For context: The Family of Companies promotes Servant Leadership and Title Source Technology adopted Agile principles to our software development life cycle.)

Choosing to go to another meeting instead of attending a 1 on 1 may impact the relationship between me and my team member. Similarly, by missing a Scrum ceremony, I may lead my team to think ceremonies are less important than my other appointments. There are times where both of my teams’ ceremonies are at the same time. If this is the case, I try to balance my time or prioritize the importance of each ceremony to determine the one I should attend.

A few other observations

The most used phrase by far (I didn’t count the exact usage) was “I have.” The FOC culture does a really great job of pushing team members to be as “proactive” as possible by figuring out solutions when most would say “I can’t” or “there is nothing I can do.” This doesn’t mean I haven’t said these words or I haven’t heard team members say these things, but I definitely don’t hear it that often. Furthermore, I never noticed anyone say “That’s just the way I am…” or “He, she, it, they make me so mad…”

I believe two things played into this. First, I think the FOC promotes a very proactive culture. Second, the day I picked to be uber self-aware, I just didn’t catch myself or others saying these “reactive” phrases.

Moving forward and next steps

Try this challenge yourself and see what you find out! Once you identify reactive phrases, try turning them into more proactive attitude and behavior.

Reactive Proactive
“If only…” “I will…”
“I can’t…” “I choose…”
“I have to…” “I’ll choose…”
“There’s nothing I can do…” “Let’s look for alternatives…”
“That’s just the way I am…” “I can try…”
 “He, she, it, they make me so mad…” “I can control my feelings…”
“They won’t allow that…” “I can create a plan to change their mind…”
“I must… “I prefer…”

I will continue working hard at being more self-aware of my “reactive” and “proactive” behavior and attitudes. The critical thing I’ve realized is every meeting you choose to attend, action you choose to take or words you choose to use, matter. The critical component of being self-aware is learning when and how to control your response to these stimulus (meetings, actions, words etc.) and strive to choose your response (attitude and behavior) based on all the information you have. Sometimes you will choose to attend a meeting over a 1 on 1 or choose take an action in one direction rather than the other way. Again, these are your choices. You control your choices by your “proactive” response, rather than letting the conditions around you control you to trigger a “reactive” response.

If you take on this day challenge, feel free to share your findings here or directly reach out to me and let me know how it goes! #challengeaccepted

(Featured Image Citation: http://www.endare.com/blog/endare-challenges/)